Conor I am sorry. KC Cruz

 Where to begin? I need to apologize and make things right with Conor. Get him back. I can’t lose him because he has been one constant thing for me that has not changed - my happiness. Conor is the love of my life. I did not even know what love was until I met Conor. I had gotten married for the wrong reasons for financial security and wealth status. I’d thought I’d always be alone because of my traumatic past but then I met Conor. He is someone I would do anything for. I hurt the one person I actually love and can’t even picture him not in my life. I didn’t know this was possible for me because of the fact I’ve always been so guarded with everyone in my life, even my own family. Things just came easy with Conor. I did not expect this from when we first met and we met on Grindr. I had went on because I was suicidal and was planning to end myself but then I saw Conor and we started talking. He was a personal trainer and I actually wanted to train because I wanted to at least go out looking good. After our first session, I felt something and made me feel safe and protected. We got through talking and connected. Conor and I got emotionally close, both opening up about personal traumas. I disclosed my full past to Conor and he opened up about his. We supported each other and we’re there for each other. I felt safe and protected by him. I actually felt happy got in the best shape of my life. I didn’t know what being happy was before Conor. I was realizing I had fallen in love with Conor and I told him I loved him. He said he didn’t was to be emotionally involved and was ready for commitment. Said to take things how they come. Conor was kind, funny and acted macho but with me wasn’t afraid to be emotional. Conor became my best friend, I didn’t really have a lot of friends due to my past. I hurt Conor by impersonating him because we were getting close and were actually about to go out. My insecurities and depression started to take over, I figured Conor had a lot of experience in sex because he said he had a high sex drive like me. I wanted to see if Conor and I were compatible sexually and we were but I don’t know why I didn’t stop. He was a dominant top and I was a submissive:power bottom. I guess I didn’t stop because my depression took over and the negative thoughts of not deserving a good person or relationship in my life took over. I self destroyed myself. When he confronted me I couldn’t speak. He said he wanted time apart and not talk. When that happened I let my mental health take a turn for the worse. I’m not good at speaking in person but better at writing. I let the believe that I was a bad person take over me and that I wanted Conor to hate me. I want to make it right with Conor and his family by apologizing and taking steps to atone for what I did. Conor is the love of my life and I know I will never say I love you to anyone else.  I can’t lose Conor. Conor I’m sorry and I’m willing to do anything to fix this and ask to apologize To your family. I can’t picture you not in my life. I want the happiness back and the support we both had. I’m willing to put in effort to earn your trust and have you take the lead. I want to apologize to Conor’s mom, I know I hurt and caused a lot of damage but I want to make it right. Conor is the best thing to happen to me. Readers if you can offer help let me


know. 

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