Origin of KC and Non Binary

Being gay was something I was not always proud of. When I came out at 18 it was not positively received. I had a group of 5 really close friends and with me we called ourselves the "6 pack". We did everything together and they were friends I thought I would have for life. When I was sure I was gay I decided to tell them first. I had always known I was when I was younger because I wasn't attracted to girls. I had a girlfriend but never did anything with her. When she kissed me once I felt nothing from her. 

I remember the day I told two of my best friends from the 6 pack. They were Stephanie and Caitlin. We were in Stephanie's car driving around at night like we usually did on weekends to or getting food. I told them I had to tell them something very important. Stephanie pulled over on the side of the street and said what is it? I said I didn't know how to say it but please don't let it change anything between us.

Both girls said we can never change our minds about you and were friends for life. When they told me that I felt I could trust them. So I said nervously, I've been wanting to tell you guys for a while but you're the first ones to know. I'm gay. As soon as I said they both Stephanie and Caitlin looked shocked and surprised. I got nervous and asked what they thought. Both said they did not expect that and said they didn't approve of it. They said I am going to hell for being gay and asked if I was sure. I didn't say anything and asked to go home. You see my close friends were also very religious.  The next day they told the other members of the 6 pack and I had lost my only group of friends. 

When I told my parents they were accepting but said I could not tell anyone for my safety because being gay meant getting beaten up and I've seen on the news lots of other gay men getting killed for being gay. 

Fast forward a few years to when I started in medicine as a PCT. I had a charge nurse who would always call me KC and it had a nice ring to it so you liked it. That's how KC came about and how I've been going by since in medicine. It wasn't until nursing that that name KC became permanent because there was another Kevin who had an issue with there being another Kevin. It would cause issues when we worked because people would get confused. This causes such issues that there was a meeting with management about it and I said I can go by KC because that was what I was called as a PCT. That's how KC became permanent. 

However being gay never felt it. When I went by KC it was gender neutral and I felt that fitted me more than Kevin.  I have always told I've looked more feminine than masculine and had more define features. Sometimes I would feel I was female but knew I was male. It wasn't until I met Conor that non-binary became fitting towards me. Non-binary meant to me looking neutral or that one sex does not just appeal to me. I'm not defined by male or female. That fit me because sometimes I felt more female than male and vice versa. I don't use make up or wear dresses if thats what people think. I do wear more sophisticated clothes and fitted to show off my features.  I'm comfortable being who I am after taking a long road to find who I am sexually. To anyone who reads this, if you are struggling with your sexuality or not accepted for who you are, know you are not alone. For the longest time I thought I was but it does get better. Learn to find support and believe in yourself or find someone who inspires you like my ex friend did for me. TBD